Oops! I Did It Again!!

31 candles on her birthday cake...Well, come Sunday I will be 31. I was talking to some friends about the 30's and a friend of mine said something that someone told him when he had turned 30...everything changes. It's like you finally "get it." And it's true. When I turned 30 I felt like I evolved so much and now looking back I think that my 30's have been the best so far!

I had an early joint birthday celebration with my friend D last weekend. The night was wonderful. Great new bar that we had never been to, great company...what else could you ask for?? Between the two of us, there were quite a few people! D's friends are great...very laid back and the conversation flowed pretty nicely between everyone. Despite my "getting it" in most areas of my life...there is still one area that I'm lacking in. After all the drama that was my life during the last couple of years of my 20's, after finally getting away from B (my psycho ex...literally) I thought that I had finally "gotten it." Sadly I was mistaken.

I thought that the stupid girl in me that longed for a deeper connection with someone, urned for the butterflies in her stomach and would, at times, revert back to a high school girl when she met a potential mate was finally gone. I was wrong. I had always been that girl...the one that always had to have a boyfriend. My ex really did a number on me, but I do owe him a thanks, because after he left I finally realized that I didn't need a man. I have a good life, a wonderful daughter and family and friends. I was finally able to be happy without having that deeper connection. And while I still from time to time miss it, I would much rather be single then in a dysfunctional relationship.

I was already sitting outside with a couple of my friends when D arrived with his entourage. They all sat down and as the introductions ensued my eyes fell on him. We will call him Art for the sake of this blog. Curly, light brown hair, beautiful green eyes that I could easily get lost in and an adorable baby face. He kind of reminded me of Seth Rogen (whom I have this unexplainable crush on). He was the artsy type, which I've always been drawn to. As the night flew by I found him eventually sitting next to me. My friends had all left, but between D and his friends, there were still a lot of people there. Everyone is enjoying each others company and I'm having a conversation with one of the guys at the table. Art gets up from his seat telling me to come with him, because he wanted to show me something. So, I excused myself from the table, wondering why Art was leading me to one of the dark empty rooms connected to the padio. He pulled me in and kissed me. At that moment I could feel myself melting. It was an amazing kiss that was followed by...the butterflies.

The bar was closing, so D invited me to come hang out with everyone at his friends house. Art and I drove together. At every stop light he would lean over and kiss me...making me melt a little bit more each time.

When I was leaving he walked me to my car the gave me a gentle kiss. And that was it. No "I'll call you later or anything." Still, I thought, he had gotten my number at the bar and D told me that he was a nice guy, so I figured that he would call. I was so sure he'd call and I anxiously waited...and waited...and waited...

Tuesday came and went and by the end of the night I realized that this secretly listening for the phone ring was ridiculous. I've always hated not knowing where I stand with someone. I can't stand waiting. Waiting to see if he's going to call, waiting to see if he is indeed interested in me, etc. I've always been horrible at playing the game. Especially since my life is so hectic as it is, I just don't have the time to play all these silly games. If a guy is interested then he will/or should make it known. Still, I ended up posting notes on my facebook a couple of different days when I was going to be going out and invited anyone that wanted to come. No bite.

Wednesday came and I got over the disappointment that had quickly overshadowed the whole experience. I realized that if he...or any guy for that matter, was really interested then he will pursue me. Then, just as quickly as they came, the butterflies flew away.